The Trojan Cow LP

by Siberian Death Crash

  • Streaming + Download




released May 26, 2016

Written, performed and produced by Robert Turner, William Turner, Peter Sargent and Benjamin Galinsky.



Some rights reserved. Please refer to individual track pages for license info.


Siberian Death Crash Manchester, UK

Mates making music and films in Manchester, UK.

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Track Name: Messengers Of Faith
Every decision you choose to take
It could save you face, it could break your neck
Every concession you stoop to make
It could spite your nose it could cut your face

I feel alone
It makes me alone
Being the captain of this ship
I’m not alone
You’re not alone
Together we’re messengers of faith

Every confession it slips away
But it's come right back and it's here to stay
All indiscretions get buried away
They come home to roost on rainy days

I feel alone
It makes me alone
Being the captain of this ship
I’m not alone
You’re not alone
Together we’re messengers of faith

Oh, god you want it to be true
I don't think it is
Better give it a name then
Call it happiness
Now I want it to be true
I don't know what is
Chalk it up as a run-through
Seal it with a kiss

Hello happiness
Hollow happiness
Loneliness will come back
Track Name: The SomnAmbulance
I sometime find I’m hypnotised
By diamond dogs with feline eyes
They make me trawl the gutters for a pillow
They’ll light me up they’ll drop me off
It’s time to go I’ve had enough
The siren sounds Somnambulance awaits me

I snooze you lose
Better drag up my bones
Cut loose and kick the booze
Cos it’s catching up with me
We’ll deconstruct the blues
Waste deep in sleep
Scrape pennies to pay the mules
Who smuggle me home to you

Oh Somnambulance you always came to rescue me
You were the only one who could ever believe in me
Oh my rocking horse she upped and left
She grew so tired of fixing me up and putting out all of the fires

I typically don’t greet the day
The night she stole my charms away
I fester, pluming dead skin up the chimney
The haze soon grows into a fog
That draws me in like the black dog
That Pavlov couldn’t get back in the kennel

I long to lose
The will to smash the mantra of these fools
Who pull me out of your arms
We’ll reconstruct the blues
Mix X with Y
Drop chromosomes in the loop
Blow the roof right off of the coup

Oh Somnambulance you always saw the best in me
You whispered something softly to keep with me
Oh the days are gone when I could sense that you were near
Now it’s you who circle me, you stalk so gently

Only the strong get home
Not me, I’m weak and floundering
Sleepy, this dream mutated, magnified then tranquillised
So sweetly that I never realized

Only the tough survive these culls
Despots sup cocktails from our skulls
Only the brave come through unscathed
Geysers of blood where tyrants bathe
A vehicle to guide me through the light
That dictators crush with all their might
A sitting duck, the sirens call
Make autocrats out of us all
Track Name: Self-Excavating Prophecies
Don’t crave my love; it’s ordinary
Covet my blood, extraordinary!
Quest to digest, beat coagulation
Bleeding’s the best! Sweet menstruation

Heads says you won’t get far
For I shall be the one to tug you back!
Don't ever touch your scars; don’t ever trace an arc
For the past soon fades to black

It came from within, it’s going to bring
Flaming effigies sprout hairs on their chinny-chin-chins
Self-excavation will bring me these things
Genetic odysseys that lurk deep beneath the skin

Short, sharp, blunt blows; self-flagellation
Laugh long; laugh loud, Gods of degradation
Flayed and displayed, a strange sensation
Exposed, explained through vivisection

Don’t doubt I’ll bide my time
I vow to hide these crimes until my dying breath
I’ve learnt to sever nerves; know how to transfuse words
To exorcise, not maim

It came from within, it’s going to bring
Burning prophecies melt the glass in my chinney-chin-chin
Self-excavation will bring me these things
Geometric oddities protrude through the holes in my skin
Track Name: Redbeard's Blues
Sour the taste dissolves
It’s got a kicker!
There’s a flicker getting quicker
As the flames take hold
I’m getting sicker
I’m shitting brickers in my knickers
Coz the dude looks kinda slicker

A Buccaneer of some rare distinction
Stowaways are unsuspecting
Candidates for resurrecting
He’s a man of some reputation
He seems to think what’s yours is his
He helps himself to that and this

Barrels of rum unfurl
I’m getting slimmer
But his figure’s getting bigger
As my chains uncurl
He got a winner!
He hid a ticket in me' dinner
I’m a kid and he’s the kidder

I’m worth way more than this
I’m cool, I’m a fool
He won’t get away with this
He’s aged, he’s frigid

Know that yer knocked out
It’s a no brainer!
Same when yer conked out
Do me a favour!

“Bad dreams, you see me coming
Quick heels, I see you running!
I’m not bad, my hearts in the right place
I pluck my cabin boys from the rat race!"

Sold for a sixpence
Meet your new maker
Commandeer Sweet Anne
Don’t you forsake her

"I’m broken hearted the crew has deserted me
My cabin boys and me on the open sea!
My bubble sword primed at the ready
A ton o’ rum to keep my hand steady
I’m blowing bubbles just for the hell of it
I buried treasure deep in your sandpit
They call me ‘Redbeard’, dam right I’m in charge!
Now who’s this doppelganger they call ‘Sarge’?”
Track Name: Spots Change Sunday
The stripes are shifting but the spots don’t change
Always then, they’ll soon be claiming they’ve been born again
Lets work together for a common gain
Celebrate the sneaky feeling that the dread remains

We're gathering pace
Sweltering necks in dog collars
What a waste of space
They're getting away with murder case by case

We soldier on
There's still a lingering tension
Fuelling all the bombs
Drone on
We got Caligula crying out
For all we've done
You little sods
You descend from the heavens
Cursing all your Gods
I curse alone
I’m the man in the middle
Chewing on the bones

Displaying symptoms of the modern age
Is this it? A three-bed semi and a living wage
The clock is ticking there’s a setting sun
And then the shadows come out, stick to everyone

The ace in the hole
Finding a place that let’s you feel at home
Lost souls
Will congregate but always feel alone

On the dog and the bone
Forever searching for something
The sad soul-sucking tone
Changes of pace
These are the times that remind us
We’re all the human race
Chopping up bones
When we’re dead in the ground, god knows,
We just fill space
So preach all you know
We’re all persuading the next man
We’re a special case

Something in the air, an angst that bores right through me
I know precisely why i'm worried
Perfectly well why I’m maladjusted

Hypocrisy is currency in current climates
We satirise to make them silly
But they’re bedded in and they're sitting pretty

What a shame to put it down to English folly
Lords and ladies looking jolly
Oh so I’m the numpty? I’m the wally?

X don’t mark the spot; in truth it’s just a warning
I'm sensing there's a higher calling
Goading me from beyond finality
Track Name: Donna Louise
Oh Donna Donna Donna Donna Louise
Yes please! You know what I mean!
Donna Donna Donna Donna Louise
Bees knees! A maritime queen!

Oh Donna Donna Donna Donna Louise
I'm begging you please
The oceans will freeze for Donna Louise
What lurks in the seas, way down in the deep
So Donna Louise, get ready to meet

Chewy chewy chewy chewy Louis
Sharks teeth! Will make her deceased!
Chewy chewy chewy chewy Louis
Unleashed! Insatiable greed!

Chewy chewy chewy chewy Louis
You're programmed to feed
But don't make her bleed, not Donna Louise
More fish in the sea, to be your next feast
So Chewy Louise, spare Donna Louise

Donna Donna Donna Donna Louise
Donna Donna Donna Donna Louise
Oh Donna Donna
Oh Donna Donna
Track Name: 4 Outta 4 (On The Risk Board)
It's too late, it's checkmate
Cos they've already taken the bait
Lying low like a sideshow
A coiled snake I target their mojo

They're cocksure, fatally flawed
Sweet black armies rampaging all over the board
Take your chance, roll your brains out
Mano-a-mano, then we nip for a quick snout

He got 4 outta 4 on the risk board
He got 4 outta 4 on the risk board
Abort your mission, bail out, pull the rip-cord
We gave him 4 outta 4 on the risk board

Heard the news? I can't lose!
Because they re-deploy like fools
Worm-tongue's tearing his hair out
No victory roll cos he don't got the dice clout

Rack em' up, raise the cup
De ja vu, I think this record might be stuck
Took heavy hits when we last sparred
You won't get far if you don't get a risk card

He got 4 outta 4 on the risk board
He got 4 outta 4 on the risk board
Abort your mission, bail out, pull the rip-cord
We gave him 4 outta 4 on the risk board

I traded all my cards
It shouldn't be so hard!
I had him on the run
Had him 3 to 1
Still my plan came undone!
He took pink
In the blink of an eye
And the blue
He blew them into the sky
And then yellow
And with a victory bellow
Won a worldwide war
To get 4 outta 4 on the risk board!

He got 4 outta 4 on the risk board
He got 4 outta 4 on the risk board
Abort your mission, bail out, pull the rip-cord
We gave him 4 outta 4 on the risk board!

Congo/East Africa
2 on 2
Brazil into Peru
2 on 1
1 on 1
Alaska to Urkusk
3 on 2
Siam to India
3 on 1
Ukraine into Ural
Track Name: Makeshift Hemingway
I’m sitting down coz I didn’t wanna stand up anyway
How now, brown cow
I’m clamming up at the crucial point of delivery
Hush hush, now now

The promise was four, the delivery ten
I’ve said it before, and now I’ll say it again

Those indecipherable smiles
They seduce, they beguile
Eyes are sparking like flints
They cajole, they insist

Series of rapid-fire glints
Series of rapid-fire glints
Series of rapid-fire glints
Series of rapid-fire glints

A ruddy duck squaring up to a makeshift Hemingway
Come come, humdrum
He says do what you want…as long as what you want is want he says
Dear dear, ha meer!

Turn water to wine, turn Sterling to Yen
They’ve done it before; watch they’ll do it again

These grinning gargoyles
How they devour the spoils
Ovulate and lactate
Bend over, back breaks

F-f-f-f-for fuck’s sake
K-k-k-kick the cad’s face
F-f-f-f-for fuck’s sake
K-k-k-kick the cad’s face

I double up on the snouts coz I wanna be Hemingway
Pucker up, for the line that I should’ve said Saturday

How solid the door, how mighty the pen
The hippies were wrong, little solace in zen

Undetectable crimes
Birth unreadable minds
The slip is the twist
It’s the cease, the desist

Some blokes have never been kissed
All opportunities missed
Some blokes have never been kissed
All opportunities missed
Track Name: Bad, Bad Men
He was a bad, bad man
Via Dubai from Dagestan
He never believed
He’d ever get, to ever let
Those let sleeping dogs lie

A mantra to fill his heart with hate
Demanded their heads upon a plate
Never forget, never forgive, never regret
And never surrender…

He was hammer and sickle debris
He was as cold as the Caspian Sea
Who knows where this madness will end?
When dead men are laughing again

Threw cash at the bride to feel like a man
To swell with the pride of Dagestan
He drifted from friend, to foe
To fool, to Istanbul

Swastikas all over his pencil case
Felt only contempt for the human race
Confusion and sadness etched upon his stupid face
Enough to make you cry

Kalashnikov weddings back home
The fallen comrades on your phone
Allow me to lighten the load
For enlightenment’s not on this road

Boxed demons to keep the wolves from his door
He couldn’t relate to them anymore
He yearned for his Mum, just someone
To stop him tearing himself apart
Enough to break your heart

The last of his blood and his kin
Craved vengeance and what it could mean
But when bile’s seeping out of your skin
It’s time to let go and begin…life
Track Name: Shit Tip
We all put in a bit into the stinky mix
The putrid pit
The stern-starboard dip
An unexpected quirk of our maiden trip
Who we gonna call? We gotta shit tip
Shit tip shit tip shit tip shit tip shit tip shit tip shit tip shit tip

Kick kick kick flip flip flip
Be careful not to slip into the slurry skip
Flip flip flip kick kick kick
It don't matter where you sit we gotta shit tip
Shit tip shit tip shit tip shit tip shit tip shit tip shit tip shit tip

"You can rock our boat
And you can fill out septic tanks
But you shall never breach our spirits."

Skamondo is gurning
The cabin boy is penning his lament
The circle's for turning
Bosley Locks means back to Stoke-on-Trent
We're fighting to fix her
Next thing we're fawning at the feet of her throne
We're crying, she's dying
Oh God Sweet Anne! Please don't leave us alone!


The gist gist gist is list list list
Be careful where you piss
It's kind of hit and miss
A kiss kiss kiss for Redbeard's fist
His bubble sword's the key to fix the shit tip
Shit tip shit tip shit tip shit tip shit tip shit tip shit tip shit tip

Please don't leave us alone
Please don't leave us alone
We don't wanna go home